That's where it all begun...

Still on my visit to the Nairobi West prison, on my way out, I got lost. So I asked a gentleman for directions. He then asked his daughter Mukami to show me the exit to Lang’ata road. She was pretty talkative. I didn’t think much of it at all, until she asked me where I went to church, and if I knew her cousin by the same name.

What caught my attention was her confidence. She was just about 8 or 9 years old. Normally those are the impressionable years in our lives. But the fact that this 8 year old could strike up a conversation with an adult that she had never met amazed me. Purely because I saw myself in her.

I was that confident girl who struck conversations with adults and looked at adults straight in their eyes. I saw myself as I was before the baggage. I saw why I have always treasured the age of 8 years.

That was just a year before the whirlwind begun that would last 16 years of my life! A journey that took my true path,or destiny if you like, on a detour.

But now I am grateful that I am back on track, getting rid of the pain and hurt of the past that has cost me. It is not easy, at times along the way, I just feel like throwing in the towel. But even when I ask myself what for. I remember the pain and what it has cost me, and I keep going. One moment at a time, one day at time! I know I'll make it to the glorious end.

The renewal has come, and now as I learn, I know I can wade through it all one day at a time, My Lord help me through this...

Passion & Drive

The hilarious and sad thing about taking the last thought captive was I had taken it captive in my Alabastron journal. But I had not actually made an effort to change the thought process. I have always had a budget, but I have not tweaked it and actually ensured that I stuck by it. I am blushing out of pure embarrassment. I love Jesus because he gently but firmly shows us where we are going wrong.

Clearly calling ourselves work in progress is pretty spot-on. Wow! It’s been a pretty eventful week. I visited the Nairobi West minimum prison. It’s a men’s prison. It’s fascinating that it was a community, not a prison. I never at one point felt afraid.

I met an extraordinary young woman, Vickie (right) who has been teaching basic primary education to our brothers currently under rehabilitation. (After visiting the prison I detest the use of the word inmates- it’s so limiting and condescending). She’s even taught them basic music lessons and instruments like playing the guitar.

Under her Nafisika Trust she is working on customising the prison education system and give our brothers a new lease of life and the respect that most lose once they are incarcerated. I am amazed at Vickie’s work. She found out what it was she was passionate about and she’s gone full throttle! A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! It’s pretty clear that your passion is where your calling is. So quit hearing God, listen to Him!

What to say

Hi ladies,

Here we are once again another day. I had a good day. I spent time with my best friend and mutual good friend. We had a blast. Though at the back of my mind throughout the entire day all I was thinking of was ‘when I am going to get more cash’. It’s been bothering me for a while now and when I spoke to my mother on the phone I told her I am fed up of the financial struggle.


I know… give it all up to God and trust in him. But the question is what does God work with when you don’t give him anything? I know God can work with a void; He did that when he created the universe. Wait a minute! I’ll change that;let me take that thought captive. I will live a life of abundance. So what thought should I have, I will save, I’ll budget, I’ll tithe and invest, I’ll live within my means. Well it seems that I need to work on taking this thought captive and changing this belief system. Well that’s it for today…

Am I ready?

I feel at ease sharing my life with you. There’s something about being part of the Alabastron nest; it’s home. I bumped into an old friend from primary school who I have not seen in twelve years. In primary school he was just some other guy. But when I met him and had a mini catch up, it just felt good. I know, take it one step at a time…

I was talking to my best friend about dating and marriage prior to meeting my ex-classmate. I feel that for now, I am not ready yet, to give of myself in a relationship. Well I guess since I am meeting with him to catch up further, I’ll just take it from there. I was just jumping the gun and putting pressure on myself for nothing. I will manage my expectations, not write any scripts and of course, I shall have a pure intention when I catch up with him.

Well that was more like a verbal evaluation and rationalization. I will admit that at times I do feel lonely which is normal. It’s at these moments of loneliness that I remind myself how cool Jesus is and how I need to hang out with him. That is how I deal with the loneliness. Maybe you do it different I’d like to hear what you do.

But I thank God that I can actually consider dating now. I can remember the stories and belief system that I had created and allowed to control my life. I did not allow myself to acknowledge such emotions. I thank God that he has renewed me. I believe God’s continual renewal of my mind and my life is for a reason. I’ll let God work and I’ll follow his lead.

Renewed to Renew

I was in a bus the other day on my way to a meeting. There was a woman seated in front of me who was yelling on the phone. She kept saying, ‘what am I going back to that house for?’ With time my speculation led me to believe she was talking to her girlfriend. Well I can choose to cook up a juicy story to make this entry exciting, but that’s not worth it. All I remember thinking was what this woman was going through. I won’t act like Inspector Derrick, to understand the intricacies, but it just hit me how much pain there is out there.

The likelihood of acquiring more baggage is high if you begin to dissect other people’s situations. We really need to pray for the other women who also need to encounter their renewal. May the Lord be with them and use us, going through the process, to share Him with them.

Renewal is a personal journey, but we also need to remember that however much God wants us all to heal and renew our minds; it is from sharing our renewal that our families and our society as a whole will be renewed.

At times I stop to ask myself, what if Laimani never sought to share her testimony after she received her initial renewal. What would happen then? I don’t want to imagine it. We are all receiving healing and restoration each day, but as we are renewed, we need to remember that we too are catalysts in the chain reaction of personal renewal.

I think what I find amazing about renewal is how beautiful we all become. As women we just blossom and are so attractive in so many ways. It is definitely an experience every woman should go through. And it’s only by sharing your own life as a testimony with other hurting women that they too will begin to seek the restoration of their souls.

Thought Cycle

Today I attended the 24 hour Picha Mtaani photo exhibition at the Hilton arcade. I was on my way to a meeting. But I thought why not pass by and see what Boniface Mwangi, the CNN photojournalist of the year award winner 2008, had to offer. Least to say, I cried at the sight of the pictures. It was a photo exhibition of the 2007 election campaigns and the post election atrocity.

I had seen similar photos on the post election atrocity in the ‘Kenya Burning’ exhibition. But the photos Boniface took just hit a raw nerve. I was not looking at Rwanda or Kosovo or Sri Lanka. I was looking at Kenyans baying for each other’s blood. What shocked me, was when one of the organizers told me that some observes at the exhibition could identify the accomplices and the victims in the pictures, it was real.

As I walked along to see all the photos I heard one person say ‘Tuchanukeni bana’ (Let’s get our act together) and I thought yes, finally we are there. It’s all about the thought process. Think and then say it will be beautiful, and it will be so.

In the book of James 3:6 the human tongue is defined as a fire. And it has the ability to corrupt and sets a whole course of life on fire, a fire set by hell itself (paraphrased). It’s just dawned on me how important it really is to set all thoughts captive and obedient to God because from that abundance that my heart will speak, I can either contribute to healing this great land or destroying it further. If you look at the tools to help us deal with our addictions, it shows you just how extensive the patterns of our thoughts spread in our lives. We need to renew our minds daily. It’s not just to help ourselves but others.

Women of strength

I was a bit cranky this morning. I am part of the Production team at church. It is my job to ensure that the service runs smoothly. That means coordinating with each and every team; the ushers, the worship team, the set up crew, sound and media teams and the Pastor. It isn’t as complex as it seems. Maybe it’s because now is when a system is being established. I think what just upset me was the fact that I need to be up at 5am on a Sunday morning.

I had mentioned in an earlier post that I realized that I need to acquire time keeping skills, solely because waking up on time is a challenge. I realized that there really is no single day, well at least the past couple of months, that I have had a day where I could vegetate and just be alone and enjoy my own company.

I have been chartering the way forward for 2010. I have been praying for it, that God will open my eyes to opportunities and avenues. But when I see the extent of work and sacrifice required, all that runs through my mind is when will I rest? I know, take it one day at a time. But to be honest it is overwhelming. I feel like the Lord has just hit the accelerator on my life and there is no time to slacken. I say, Lord Do as you please, to accomplish your will. But Jehovah God, give me the strength…

The Renewal Continues...

And here we are, another day of renewal. I haven’t really been sleeping well. For one simple reason I just seem to be finding myself in a cycle of not being able to plan my time. I have no clue why. The first question I always ask myself is, is there any baggage? Or is there an addiction attached to it? I don’t know, but I need to figure out that pattern. Wait I need to figure this one out.

And now about half an hour later I realized that the reason why I have a problem managing time and also reflects in my finances is the need to get everything done now. This I just realized sprouted from a fear of lack from a past baggage that I thought that I had dealt with. Just when you think the bridge of baggage was submerged it erects its ugly head again with some un-dealt emotions.

I’ll be honest; at times it just get’s exhausting. I was just praying today that God would guide me to study the great leaders in the Bible who managed to be prudent with their resources; time and money. I had earlier been directed to read Moses’ and Jonah’s exploits, purely because I was stubborn and hesitant like them to start off with. Well now I am on the path that God has chosen for me, but I need to renew my mind some more and seek the wisdom of the great time manager himself; Jesus Christ. I am reading from the book of Luke. I will keep you all posted on how that goes.

Over to the High Places

So what next now that the Holidays’ are here. Well for starters there is a book Hind’s feet on High places. I remember when I got my copy. To be honest I don’t think I read it for about three weeks (don’t try this at home ladies). But I gave it a chance. The truth is you will see yourself in the main character. Before I ramble on and give away the plot, I’ll be honest with you.

I think the break from being in an Alabastron class scares me. Because there is a safety in being with you all; I needed to read the Bible, because of the verses from Renewing Self manual that constituted discussion and processing in class and now well… I don’t know. I guess this is when I realize that not everyone has gone through Alabastron and is the true test of my renewed mind.

At times I feel like hurling insults but when I remember that my desired destiny is to be loved and accepted. Shouting and insulting won’t get me there. It was easier to put it on paper, but I have made the conscious decision to explore the new me. Merry Christmas ladies. I’ll keep the posts coming and maybe we can discuss Hinds feet on High Places as well…as well as my progress.

Close to the Glorious Finish

Now that you have begun your journey to renewing yourself, it’s a fuzzy maze that we are not quite sure where it will lead. You’ve sat through the classes each week, cried, been apprehensive about what to share, cried so more, laughed, wondered what Laimani was talking about and now 8 weeks have elapsed and the fog in the maze is clearing up. And now you are on your final stretch. No more twists and turns just time to Forgive and start a new green and shiny leaf.

This is a new lease of life for you. It may not seem like it now, but your renewal begun as soon as you walked into the classroom at All Saints Cathedral Kindergarten. If you are reading this right now, you’re restoration has begun, take each thought captive and use the tools you have learned and you shall behold your beautiful, defined, refined, restored and sanctified self! Welcome to the path of a pure and rich destiny ladies! Welcome to Alabastron’s Renewing Self Blog! This is the place to share how you feel, what you’ve gone through and what you look forward to.