It has been a while since our last entry. To be honest I wasn’t sure what exactly there was to write. It has been an emotional roller coaster. I had a good evening on Saturday with a fellow Alabastronite. What I loved about the evening the most, was being able to open up my heart and be very candid with her and not worrying about what she thought. You all need to realize one thing that I think Laimani reiterates every time; ‘People outside have not gone through Alabastron’. It’s with that in mind that we need to stay close knit as Alabastronites to build and support each other.
My relationship with God has been gradual and I have been taking it one day at a time. I have reached a point where I need to surrender my all to Jesus. When you’ve struggled with an addiction of being a control freak, like I was it tends to be a challenge to fully trust and obey Jesus. But this morning that was my prayer. I know it is for my own good.
I realized the reason why I feared surrender so much was purely the fear of shame. In Mark 1, when John the Baptist is described as eating locust and honey and dressed in skins I thought to myself O! Lord here we go again, why is it that God has to make his prophets look like loony bins?! Will I be the annoying preacher and freak on the streets yelling, ‘the end is near…REPENT’ if I surrender to God. I’ll be real with you; that scares me.
But the realization I got in prayer this morning and even what I have gone through in meditation this morning from Galatians 2:20 is that I need to die to allow Jesus to live. This is where the rubber meets the road in the walk! This is where all the comforts and luxuries I am used to; the sexed up music, movies and jokes must die. The addictions must die, and to live I need to drown myself in God’s word! This is easier written than done! But I chose to take the step! I must Trust Jesus, Lord Hold my hand…
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